Deception

Deception lurks in unexpected places and presents itself in manifestations you couldn’t imagine. We all know how recipe books and cooking websites succeed. Because there is no way to taste food through paper or computer screens. The authors of recipes in these books and websites face no accountability or a monitoring mechanism. Their families and the cooking assistants have beguiled them into believing that they can cook. So much, that they start inflicting recipes onto the rest of the world. Although I wonder why no-one is asking for their money back. I figure, this systemic problem is compounded by our low self esteems. We all think we aren’t good enough cooks. (Eye roll!)

I am currently in the middle of a short-lived lifestyle experiment, which has resulted in my fridge-shelf resembling the forest my University is built in. With all the leafy greens and nowhere to run off to, I decided to look for a good looking recipe and found one. Spinach pasta.

Ingredients– One onion (finely chopped), three cloves of garlic (diced), one tomato (also finely chopped), 100 gm of spinach, 100 grams pasta, oil, salt, a pinch of red chilli powder, chilli sauce, yoghurt.

Procedure– Put the pasta to boil in water. Add a hint of salt and oil.

Begin with lightly sautéing the garlic and the onions in about 1 tablespoon oil.Once they are cooked you add the tomato and spinach and wait for them to cook.

Once it cooks into a mush, you can add two teaspoons of salt and a pinch of red chilli powder. Add the cooked pasta and stir for a couple of minutes so it absorbs the rest of the ingredients. If the mix feels too dry, you can add 2 or 3 tablespoons of the water in which the pasta has been cooking.

Outcome– Needless to say, I was disappointed. I had added too much salt and the whole thing tasted like nothing. This is why I threw in the otherwise unexplainable yogurt into the ingredients which made it slightly tolerable.

P.S.- Have you tried recipes which turned out disastrous? Let me know. I need reinforcement.

 

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Showering in a parallel universe!

showering in parallel universe!
‘So this is more or less how it feels’

So you know how shower is the place where some people get the best of ideas. Some people even plan their days in the shower and so on. However, there are certain things in the shower which are incredulously annoying. Firstly, we have this motion sensor exhaust fan in the shower, which turns on every time it senses movement, and even goes on, when you are just walking across the hallway. This makes me feel like the fan is saying, ‘I’ve got my eye on you, baby!’

Also, the shower knob which controls the mix for hot and cold is my arch nemesis. I am never able to find the correct mix and more often than not, either end up getting scalded or frozen to death. And then of course, there is the one off instance when someone tries to get in the bathroom while you are inside. It goes somewhat like this. You are inside the bathroom, going about the business. Then you see the light turn off and a turn at the door knob. That should give the person outside a hint that someone’s still in. But occasionally an idiot or two will think that they just didn’t have a good enough go at the knob, and try again. So, in that case, I would turn the tap on for a second or two in order to create some noise so they know I am inside (as if the door being locked isn’t sign enough!).

And then again, I wonder, why didn’t I just call out to the person to let them know that I am inside. How do I explain this? I think it is because when I am in the bathroom, I feel like I have gone through a worm hole and crossed into another universe, and I no longer wish to communicate with anyone in the universe I just left behind. Is this just me or any of you feel the same?

Lessons after two consecutive days in bed

 

IMG_20160428_203952218_HDR
‘Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born’, said my lamp (E.E. Cummings) to the setting sun.

As the title might suggest, recently, I had the pleasure of spending two days straight in bed when I got up only to eat, visit the bathroom and a one and a half hour german class to the university. I would describe this experience as one which made me feel immensely lazy despite having slept more than enough and tired while having done nothing at all. I cannot be sure of why it happened, but I concluded that it is easy to slip into this state. Before you go ‘Oh, this is so you!’, I want you to know that I am making progress, so here are some lessons I jotted down for myself for future reference:

  1. Readjust the bedside mirror so your reflection isn’t seen in it while you sleep, or you will have the recurring nightmare about having to fly to Moscow without roubles.
  2. The slight ache in your lower back that you have soon after you wake up will go away after you get out of bed and move about. If it doesn’t, you might want to change your mattress or consult a physician. (Disclaimer: Please do not take medical advice from this blog, whatsoever!)
  3. The bloated feeling you have, doesn’t necessarily mean you have a stomach disorder. Try getting out of the bed and peeing. (Disclaimer, ibid)
  4. Although, bedside table is a convenient place for storing consumables, you might experience an increased propensity to drop cups full of tea (in my case, fortunately the sheets, laptop and the carpet were spared). Therefore, try to train yourself into not drinking tea in bed.
  5. Three seasons of ‘Girls’ is not too many to get through in two days. However, if you get a headache, try reducing the brightness of your laptop screen and focussing (with your eyes) on a distant spot in your room or out of the window.
  6. The ‘still not unpacked’ suitcase lying in the middle of the room is a safety hazard.
  7. Unplug the phone and/or laptop charger once you begin to feel drowsy. Also switch off the bedside lamp before falling asleep or it might remain lit through the day with an increased chance of you not noticing it.
  8. Try not to clean your room anytime during this spell because you will be too lazy to replace the vacuum cleaner to its designated place afterwards.
  9. Fold the duvet back for a sense of closure.
  10. Refrain from spending two consecutive days in bed.